I Am Going to Win
by emmasunicorns
Summary: One Shot on the Evil Queen's inner thoughts when she casted the dark curse in the Pilot. Introspective.
I am going to win.

I continued to repeat in my head while I was approaching the room where I would have spent my last moments in.

I had been in the way on my happiness for too long and it was time for a change.

I entered the room. No doors or people were there to block me or, at least, not people that were strong enough.

She didn't even sense my presence, too busy attempting to wake her beloved Prince.

I could hear her thoughts, full of hope and innocence, being broken by the still shut eyes of her husband.

This time true love's kiss wasn't going to work, my dear.

I chose that moment to make her aware of my presence. I was too happy to refrain myself from stating the obvious.

 _Oh don't worry, dear. In a few moments you wont remember you knew him._

Deep down, a part of me wanted to comfort her and calm her fears on the Prince's sake. But that same part was buried under years of rage and suffering that couldn't just been canceled away.

Obviously, she didn't know the internal conflict I had been facing everyday since her father became my husband.

I couldn't make her or any person sense my weaknesses. But also I didn't want to. I knew I had weaknesses but all the years with mother made me forget my human part. For her you had to be heartless, literally. Emotions and love were just a distraction that a Queen didn't need and couldn't have.

And I was the Queen and I was going to win.

So, I forced a smile, which looked like a bitter one, and I said that she wasn't going to remember ever loving her Prince either.

Her eyes instantly responded, reflecting the stab in her heart I was responsible for.

 _Why did you do this?_

She dared to ask. Wasn't it obvious?

 _Because this is my happy ending._

I stated, looking in her eyes, a gesture I regretted right after.

She saw it. The broken, the hurt in them. And I hated her for that.

Somehow she was always able to look deep inside me. She never gave up on bringing back _the woman who saved her life_ , like she always said. Everyone in the realm knew that.

I tried to say that, the reason I was doing all of _this_ , without emotion. But I failed. Miserably.

All the rage, and the regret came together and exploded in my mouth, finding their way to her ears.

I wanted to scream that it was her fault. That if we were going somewhere horrible it was because of her and her inability to keep my secret, a secret that costed the life of the person i loved.

I wanted to tell her that I was never going to be happy if i didn't have my vengeance first. And _she_ was my vengeance.

She had to suffer, she deserved to be unhappy like I was for all those years spent at the mercy of her father. No dance was never offered to the Queen, just to the Princess. No horse riding, just carriages. No independence. No happiness.

But now I was going to win.

I was still looking at her when my guards entered the room.

And that was when I remembered about my undoing. The baby.

 _The child?_

I fiercely asked, knowing they had to get rid of her.

In that moment, I needed to see Snow White's expression. I needed to see the pain in her eyes so I could fade my own.

 _Gone._

That simple word instantly brought me back to reality. I turned my head to look at my guards who were still explaining how the baby disappeared. And that was when I realized. The child wasn't in the room.

 _Where is she?_

I couldn't hide my fears while asking that simple question. That baby, the _savior_ , would have ruined everything. She would have destroyed the only way I could have finally been happy. I couldn't allow that. I couldn't let her be.

 _She got away._

 _You are going to lose._

That smile. I knew what that was. Hope.

She believed her daughter would have come back for them. To save them all from the unhappy fate I was going to condemn them.

But it didn't matter. No savior was going to stop me. I had 28 years to figure out how to keep my happiness safe.

And I was going to win.

 _We'll see about that._

I responded, maintaining an apparent calm when, inside, I was on fire.

Because deep done I knew that villains don't get happy endings.

The roof started to collapse and what it seemed like a tornado, surrounded our figures.

I was in owe.

 _Where we going?_

She asked. I could feel she was looking around her.

 _Somewhere horrible_.

I replied, not caring to turn my head. A smile placed on my half-open mouth as a result of

being full of -I dare to say- hope and ambition.

I was going to win.

That was my last thought, before everything became dark and my life as Queen just a memory.


End file.
